The Adventures and Misadventures of Bridie

People I Hate

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 04:50:10 GMT

Skanky Ass I Went to High School With:
Why is it that every time I sign on to facebook, I have to be reminded that you are one of the "Hott Be-atches of (blank) Hall!!!!" Did I really need to know that you are a member of "SeXy AsS pArTy GiRlS!" and an officer of "The Fi-i-i-ine Mammas of State U!", holding the very dignified position of "Sexatary of Hotness". I've created a few more groups in your honor, oh wide-split one. They are, "(blank) Gave Me the Clap", "I've Held (blank)'s Hair While She Puked!", and "(blank) Passed Out While Boinking Me". Thanks for coming up with all the creative ways to say that you're drunk and failing all your classes, but allowing it because, hey, this is college, right? You're supposed to be having fun, right? Let's keep that in mind when all your fellow "SeXy AsS pArTy GiRlS" are married with careers and you're still skanking it out on a Tuesday night and coming late to your job as a Hardee's manager hungover on Wednesday. Whoo! Party!

Fuckwit I Went to High School With:
Much like the above tragedy, my mini-feed is often filled with reminders of what a hopeless alcoholic you've become since leaving lil' ole Clinton. I'm so proud to see that you've joined not only the traditional, "Thirsty Thursdays Enthusiasts" and "Beer Pong Champions" groups, but the lesser known, "I Go to My 8 a.m. Wasted!", "I Take Tests Wasted!", and "I'm Wasted When I Get My Grades Back!" Hey, we get it. YOU DRINK. That's how you fill the empty void in your life, but chugging beer all day with your equally pathetic friends. We still don't think you're cool, oddly enough. But hey, there's a bright side. Someday you can work at Hardee's with Skanky Ass up there. Of course, you can't sleep your way to the top like she can, but you do stand a pretty good chance of banging her even if you aren't management. Good luck with that business degree.

Business Majors:
Jesus, I'm really sorry that you can't go out every night this week and might have to spend one doing that ridiculous 8 page paper. You have to review an article? Damn, that sucks! Let me put down my 55 lb. back pack and pop my spine back into place so I can hug you. Oh, wait, let me dry your tears with this homework sheet I have, no no, don't worry, I have much...much...much more where that came from. Think of it this way, you can always have a beer *while* you do your assignment. I'd stay and console your terrible predicament longer, but I've sold my soul to my major and am due in the 5th circle of hell in 15 minutes. Oh, of course I can help you break the spine on your text, seeing as this is the first time you've opened it all year. No problem.
***side note: not all business majors are lazy, and these are the ones that grow up to be millionaires. I'm just bitter because one can work one's ass off 24 hours a day, get straight A's in science, and still live one's life hopping from grant to grant. And I can't drink while I do my homework, or I cut things off/burn things. It's a dog's life.

Professors Who Hold Unwavering Eye Contact While Answering a Question:
I wanted an answer, not a staring competition. Now I have to sit here like a bobble head doll, nodding along obiently while I'm not hearing a single word you're saying because I'm thinking, "My God does he ever blink?! He's the incredible non-blinking man! Maybe he has something horrifically embarrassing written on his eyelids that he doesn't want me to see. Blink, damn you, blink!"

2006: A Year in Review

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 12:40:08 GMT

JANUARY
Started the year on a great note. While driving home from New Year's party, my cell phone lit up with Bad Nick's number on it. I ignored, and continued to ignore. Something in me realized that, by 2006, enough was enough.
Had weird, fleeting thought about working on a wolf reserve during summer instead of finding suitable, pre-med job. Tried to suppress this strange urge.
Visited MKate and stayed in Orland Park. Did it 3-4 times daily with her little brother. (j/k) (maybe)
Got in huge fight with roomies over the bunny that my RA "accidentally found". Was apparently born the day before this incident.

FEBRUARY
Went to symphony with MKate and Bill. Was really classy.
One of my oldest friends became suicidal and was somewhat dependent on me. It took quite the toll over the following months.
The great Chili's margarita adventure with Lynn.
SATURDAY THE 18TH - my first time drinking with ANN LAMB. Molested the biology van, caused havoc at townhouse, drank too much and walked to Domino's for breadsticks at 2:30 in the morning. This night is also infamous for quotes such as, "Get Jacob Gorman on the phone. We want CAB to host Cyndi Lauper riding a shark. Get me Cyndi Lauper on a shark!", convincing Ann to break up with Josh, and quite the drunken indescretion on my own part... :)
Found out that Cecile was engaged. Sacre bleu! Became convinced that I would never get married and become old, haggish crone while my friends lived blissfully wed lives.

MARCH
Was not doing well at all in classes. Became very uneasy with choice to be a doctor. My heart was not completely in it for several reasons.
Became ridiculously good friends with Mary Kate, Ann, and Nick. Missed Phil while he was in Germany. Wished that I could study abroad. This thought fueled more negative thoughts about being locked into med school.
Mentally ill friend started taking an enormous toll, very much depressing and worrying me.
St. Paddy's day!!! P@!ge visited! A wonderful day!
Realized that for the first time...ever...I didn't have a serious crush on anyone. Was surprisingly comfortable with this thought.
Stress over friend and grades came to a peak when I took something I shouldn't have taken and realized that I was really abusing my body with alcohol, nicotine, lack of sleep, too much stress, and then the thing I took. Realized I had to do something different.
Got a job with ADM, a fancy, good-paying company that would have looked great on a pre-med resume.
Told ADM to shove it and took crappily paid job as a zookeeper. Have yet to look back from that decision.

APRIL
Realized that I had unexpectedly stumbled across my life's passion. Experience irrational joy.
Found wonderful roommates for the next year.
Problems within my family started to get worse.
Had fights all the time with my roommates.
Came close to getting restraining order against Bad Nick, but simply had a certain police officer straighten things out for me. Haven't heard from him since (not directly, anyway).
My bunny, Dublin, died. Had one last horrific fight with Molly and moved out.
Phil came back from Germany and did not stay an extra semester as he had threatened. Yay! :)
Continued to love the zoo. There's not much else I can say about this, although it seemed like a much larger event than the few sentences I have written here. Listened to my wolves howl. Perfect.

MAY
Zoo opened for the season and I started working ridiculous hours, including 12 hour days...right before finals.
Realized that I couldn't bare to fail chemistry again and went into study overdrive.
Decided that I hate turkeys and raccoons.
Had an awesome Last Blast, broke a mirror, and woke up on a boy's futon without being slutty (although it was Nick's so it doesn't count, really).
Had terrible family drama during finals week. Signalled the beginning of a very hard summer. Had first case of the hypo-c's.
Fell in love. With a goat named Hazelnut and a fox named Romeo. Chased pheasants in the rain because no one else would stay at work to help me. Became big-shit zoo keeper. Experienced extreme mowing. Learned to plant and weed. Made friends with Jackie, fellow zoo keeper.
Got cockatiel to lay 11 eggs when she had never laid 1 before. Eggs were later lost when certain dumb shit zoo employees moved cockatiel cage to barn just days before eggs were due to hatch.
SATURDAY THE 27TH - Saw an animal be born for the first time! The season's first set of deer fawns arrived.
WEDNESDAY THE 31ST - Saw an animal be killed for the first time. The weak deer fawn was killed by the Mama Buffalo. Held it in my arms and cried over it. Phil was visiting the zoo and he helped. Was still very tragic.

JUNE
SATURDAY THE 3RD - SCOOTS IS BORN!!! My boss is off for the day and says that she will probably half to be put down. I refuse and start physical therapy on her. Best zoo moment ever is documented as I sit between her mamma and her auntie Hoover, her two sisters at my feet and Scooter on my lap, just listening to the birds and all 6 of us snoozing and snuggling as day turned into dusk. Wolves howled. I cried a little I was so happy.
Family problems just kept getting worse and worse.
WEDNESDAY THE 8TH - The two white fawns are born! They are considered to be sacred by certain Native American tribes and, well, were a big fucking deal.
Started having heart pains, which was due to the hypo-c's. Anxiety got much worse.
Worked Stergis motorcycle fest and pulled 16-17 hour work days for three days between the fest and the zoo.
Painted cousin Brenna's room at 1 in the morning with her and Aunt Chris when I got home from Stergis. Remembered why I loved my family and knew that we'd be okay.
Met some cute guys through work, had a crush on several different men, but realized that I couldn't pursue any of them. Didn't feel like being anyone's girlfriend but couldn't explain why yet.
Several baby deer got lymphogitis, including Scoots. Was handed a syringe and a bottle of penicillin and told to figure it out or they'd die.
Family problems started to peak and I almost moved, but knew that I couldn't just run out.

JULY
Came home for RiverBoat Days one night and forgot to lock the gate at the zoo. No damage was done. Faith in God was reaffirmed that nothing was broken and my precious animals were fine.
Fourth of July. Lots of liquor. GoKart. Fireworks. Cousin's best friend. Ouch. But still a rockin' good time!
Went to Brookfield with Jackie and saw lions and tigers and MKate and bears. Oh my!
Stopped working weeks that were under 50 hours. Worked a 65 hour week, in the heat of summer, short on employees because one girl was injured and a guy requested time off.
Had a crazy and wacky 21st birthday. Still chuckling about that. Got my first drink with Karl and Brenna, the little angels. Here are the resolutions I made on my birthday. Like all resolutions, they are laughable now.
My 20-year-old self is:
• Hyperemotional
• Always late
• Increasingly negative and stressed
• Restrained by self-image and self-appraisal

My 21-year-old self will be:
• Strong-willed, but collected (most of the time)
• Never…sometimes late
• Able to laugh (or drink) away stress and negativity
• Confident and self-assured like supermodel

Went to Springfield to visit big sister Lynn. Spent cab money on booze for friends (oops), met guy and I think I fulfilled the general discription of a hooker. Still, had a wonderful time with Lynn.

AUGUST
Hypo-c's, family problems, and work stress all peaked at roughly the same time. Learned a new definition of responsibility and commitment. Matured in ways I didn't think I could in such a short time. Hid a lot of pain from myself and my friends, which is still being rediscovered by the day.
"Lost," in a way, a very close family member. Learned to truly hate someone for the first time.
Molly and Jake visited me at the zoo. Bright spot!
Realized that, while you can lead a horse to water, you really can't make him drink. Also realized that all those silly addages my grandmother burned into my head will turn out to be correct at one point or another.
Started new semester. Moved in with wonderful roommates. Patched things up with the former ones.

SEPTEMBER
Lost three very good friends, maybe semi-, maybe permanently. Holding out hope in all three cases.
Had to quit my job so I could focus on school. Scoots was very upset at first, but has since then grown quite independent of me. Sunrise, sunset.
Went through some difficult stuff before I realized that I was just feeling the pain of my family problems through different mediums. Began to heal, including taking care of the hypo-c's.
Realized that I hate physics and organic chemistry. HATE!
Realized that I have the abosolute best friends a girl could ask for in MKate and Ann. BEST!
Became completely and totally sure of the zoology route.
Attended Lynn's housewarming in Springfield.

OCTOBER
The month of FrightNight, in which Tig, Matt, Jake, Bryan, and Mex officially became "my boys" and quite possibly the loves of my life (well, that's a bit far!!!). At least, the folks I cook for and clean up after!
Accepted the Ann Lamb "fake diamond philosophy" which would take a while to explain but basically revolves around taking advantage of one's life for what it is and doing what you want to do when you have the opportunity to do it.
Learned to stand up for myself. Realized that I am much more confident than I had originally assumed.
First snow fall of the year. Went dancing around like a crazed idiot while being humored by Jake. Had moment of blissful happiness. Decided to drop physics after test the next day.
Mom tried to talk me into dropping out.
Began getting ridiculous every weekend with Mary Kate and Ann. Our escapades reached a new level. Did some stupid stuff...and it was all worth it.
Started to get better at dealing with my panic attacks. Learned to cope with family stuff. Better for it.
Had haunted housing/bonding weekend with Jake. Discovered the delicious hot cocoa/butterscotch schnapps mixture. YUM!
Also went to haunted house with Brenna and her little friend. Drove around rural Illinois with them looking for a particular one, becoming the best big cousin ever.
Threw Halloween party that is now legendary in some circles.

NOVEMBER
Got a couple of crushes. Got rejected a couple times. Realized that I wasn't all that upset about it. (remember June when I didn't know why I didn't want to date?) Realized that this is not the time I want a relationship, and I am not going to worry about it until I feel like I could meet a man I could marry...which won't be for about a decade. Surprisingly happy with this revelation. It probably doesn't make sense in type!
Started freaking out over grades.
Had great surprise party for AJ. P@!ge came!
Play-do fight with Tig, Matt, and Bryan. Snow football!
Solidified some of the best friendships. Got closer with roomie AJ and discovered how kick ass she is. Formed revolutionary group The Free Radicals. I'd tell you more, but then I'd have to kill you.
Tried Indian food for first time with Ann.
Had wonderful Thanksgiving with Karl and Brenna and saw Glen for first time since May!
Got accepted for New Orleans trip and vowed to travel more often, come hell or high water.

DECEMBER
Wrote down all my flaws and all my fears. Thought they were all kind of silly.
Realized how many people in my life I love, and how many love me. Counted my blessings.
Stopped sleeping entirely (well, almost).
Got a D in organic chemistry. Tried my best, knew I would fail, but kept trying anyway. Close enough.
Had incredible Christmas celebrations with the roomies and with "the Cabbies".
Nipped free liquor from the open bar and working the coat check at the faculty dinner. Talking until 4 in the morning with Tig and Jake. A night to remember.
Realized how much I've matured.
Stayed awake until 6:30 a.m. while writing this. What a year, what a year. It was really hard at a lot of times. There were a great variety of horrible things that befell me, but I think they even out with the wonders of the zoo, of the girls, of "my boys," of learning what it means to rough something out because you love what you do. I learned what it means to love what you do, to love who you're with, and to love who you are, even if none of these things are the ideal situation. You can't become a stronger swimmer in calm water; the waves of adversity are the only things that teach us how to stay afloat without a buoy. So, 2006, thanks for being a bitch of a year. I needed it.
"It is my experience, that when you said to life, 'I trust you, do what you must,' life had an uncanny way of giving you what you need."

Que sera, sera.

Intern Watch 2006

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 18:56:24 GMT

69 hours. No word. Christ people, it's four pages of material. Get over your damn selves.

Intern Watch 2006

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 06:51:06 GMT

Niabi hasn't called me back. They've had my application over 48 hours. This is an unacceptable length of time in my mind.

But I'm not nervous yet. I'll start getting ansy about it to-morrow.

The crack kitty shall be making his appearance until this situation clears up.

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 20:48:11 GMT

Waiting to hear back from Niabi Zoo. Not that Niabi is the be-all and end-all, but this could either be the start or just another hesitation. I really want to do this, and if Niabi rejects me...well, it's a sharp and particular hurt. Yeah, I could get in somewhere else maybe, but I'd have to wait until this summer. And that's risky. Niabi has three things I need that the Fej couldn't provide: A-Z-A. My transcripts are acceptable, but not exactly impressive. I need some impressive experience. The more internships, the more projects, the better. So, I'd better cross my fingers and hope for the best. Cause I guess I'm going for it.

Undergrad Haute Cuisine

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 07:00:32 GMT

Rule #1: "We don't buy what we can't steal." A quote from M.K. Dunne, P.I.m.P.
If it can be snuck out of the cafeteria, smuggled from the food court, weasled out of parents or schnookered away from friends, DO NOT buy it. Taking tupperwear to the caf is strongly encouraged. Easy to smuggle foods include: fruits with peels, cereals and nuts (in portable cups), tea bags, and packaged condiments. Never in college should you purchase salt, pepper, or catsup. These are all easily smuggle-able.

Rule #2: Thou shalt shop discount.
Aldi's, Sam's, the odd Pakistani fellow with the cart, wherever you can get it. Grocery shopping should be approached like going to the Salvation Army. Anything that hasn't been handled too roughly is worth the discount.

Rule #3: Thou shalt eat carbs.
Don't have enough beef for everyone? Serve rolls before dinner. A package of 10 rolls costs under $1.50 at Aldi's (where you should be shopping anyway) and can distract that average undergrad from his hunger pains long enough to assure everyone a stab at the meat. Whip up some instant mashed potatoes (2 servings for $1) and you might even have left overs.

Rule #4: Thou shalt use butter and season heavily.
Some people say that I am a good cook. This is not true. I use a lot of seasoning. Cajun, thyme, salt, butter...these are gifts from the gods bestowed to discount shoppers. Oh, what, you thought you were going to get *good* mashed potatoes for a buck? No, no, what you get is a creamy carby substance. You put butter and salt and pepper on. Now you've got good 'tatoes. As appitizing as boiled frozen vegetables are, you'd better starting layin' the pepper on thick. How do you afford seasons like this, you ask? See rule #1. Buying salt and pepper is sinful.

Rule #5: Mom
Anytime your mom gives you something to take back to college, you damn well had better put that in your own dish and call it your own! For an added touch, pull the dish out of the oven just as your roommates/friends waltz through the door. Make sure the oven was on and it's actually warm.

Rule #6: Thou shalt pay attention to packaging.
If the French or Italian language appears on the package, you can not afford it. If a farm animal appears on the package, you can probably afford it. If it comes pre-ed (pre-washed, pre-cut, pre-eviscerated), you can not afford it. If you have to pluck, devein, or decapitate, you can afford it. If it's fresh, you can not afford it. If it's good until February 2008, you can afford it. If it comes with a celebrity endorcement, you can not afford it. If it is set in "new, better tasting gelatin", you can afford it. Even moreso if the product is meat.

Rule #7: You will charge food
And it will probably be alcohol.

And finally:
Rule #8: Thou shalt worship at the table of noodle
This is seperate from the carbs rule because it is more important. To be frank: RAMAN. If you are in college, you will eat Raman. Or you will go broke trying to avoid it. Don't resist, let the Raman draw you in. Chef Boyarde. Cheap pasta. Hamburger helper. Classy cheap pasta. Pasta bakes. "I'm trying to get laid" pasta. Speghetti is under 2 bucks for a measurement of precisely a-fucking-hell-of-a-lot. What else do you need? A pot, a heat source, and water. If you can make it in a third world country, you can make it in college. Wait, what's that? You don't have money to buy sauce? Let's review what I've tought you...

...that's right. Butter and salt. Now you're thinkin' haute cuisine.

10 Things

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 03:24:06 GMT

10 Good Things about To-day

10) Cousin bonding time with Brenna. We made a plant cell for her science project. Yay!

9) Halloween candy, W00T!

8) Lunch with Nick AND pitas? My goodness...

7) Benefit dinner. Do something nice AND eat outside the caf!

6) Invite to very cool party for very cool people...very (cooly) excited about it.

5) Didn't have to finish my physics homework to-day...cause I dropped physics! YES!

4) Didn't have to attend physics lecture (see above). YES YES YES!

3) Really nice sunset, even through the chemistry lab windows.

2) Art was really funny in lab ("So, how's the slow side of the room doing?" as he approaches MKate and I)

1) MKate and I finished our chem lab and did not SHATTER any glassware, set FIRE to anything, or SPILL anywhere! FUCKIN' A DUDE!

Like A Song in My Heart, Like Oil on My Hands

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 07:07:27 GMT

Things have been crazy in regards to the zoo. The Chicago Tribune interviewed the curator and I. The story will be running sometime in the near future. I thought that might be last week, but I guess they are coming back to take pictures. The rumors are true...I AM kind of a big deal. I mean, people know me. Okay, I'll stop now. ...rich mahogony.

M Kizzle and I hit up the Halloween festivities at both Niabi and the Fej this weekend. Saturday was Niabi, and sometimes a girl just has to hug a goat...or kiss a cow...or feed a llama. There's nothing unnatural about that. By the time we got to the Fej on Sunday, a lot of people were already there. This meant that my wolves were pretty skiddish and hyper. This made me sad, because I was hoping to get in a little QT. Usually, if there aren't any strangers around, all four of them will run up to the fence when they see me and fight each other over who gets pet first. It's the most incredible thing because I've spent so many months cultivating a relationship with these animals that really don't experience affection. They see me and associate that with good stuff. So, they don't want to be pet because they are affectionate, like a dog, but because they want to be near "good stuff." It's kind of a wonder to see that simplistic thing in motion and even more incredible when I'm actually invovled in it.

I was carving pumpkins with AJ, MKate, Joe and Paul, and I just felt so at home. Even if the pressures of this semester are horrible, it seemed a lot better for just a while. I'm really lucky to have such lovely people in my life.

Homecoming Wrap Up

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 01:16:22 GMT

This weekend consisted of:

1 Latino bonfire (wonderful)
1 salsa dancing exposition (fun to meet new people)
1 townhouse party (a total freakin' blast)
1 homecoming dance (surprisingly delightful)
Lot of (too much) alcohol
Many, many wonderful friends (some I see everyday, and some I haven't talked to in a long while)

I think I've got the best of everything...except grades. But a girl can't be perfect, can she?

Homecoming

Sat, 07 Oct 2006 02:27:45 GMT

That was not a good idea. Ann, Mary Kate...you know what I'm talking about. That was a bad, bad, BAD idea. And screw you both for making me do it.

Three Stooges Do Chemistry

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 16:05:36 GMT

Real conversation between Mary Kate and I during a titration

Me: Keep going...don't stop...
Mary Kate: Are we getting close?
Me: No, I don't think so.

...

Me: My hand's getting tired.
Mary Kate: Well, then, use the other one. I'm not finished yet.

...

Me: Ooh, getting close, slow down slow down!
Mary Kate: Almost, almost....
Me: Slow down!
Mary Kate: Oh, there it is....nope nope, not yet...
Me: Wait, wait stop!
Mary Kate: There it is! Yeah baby!
(both of us lean back in satisfation...oh it they'd only let me smoke a cigarette during lab...)

The only thing that could have made this lab better: "wait here, I'll go get you a towel..." AHAHAHAHA

And for the record...I still fucking hate organic chemistry. Suck me, Carbon!

Deer Balls!

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 04:11:15 GMT

When my boss asked me to attend the zoological society meeting, I thought, "sure, why not? I can help out with some issues and lend her a hand."

This is before I knew I'd be talking about deer testicles for two hours. Two hours. 120 minutes. Of deer testicles. Here's the short of it: our white buck has fathered 7 fawns, two of which are also white. We can keep the fawns if we castrate him, that way he won't mate with his own daughters. The members of the society were worried that we would no longer be able to breed white deer. But, if we still have his children, they also possess this gene. Yet they are still being asinine and insisting that we freeze the buck's sperm or some bullcrap like that. Also, if we don't castrate him, we're going to be overpopulated with deer again next year. And the year after that.

So now, to assure that my daughter Scooter Pie has a happy home, I have to research and present Genetics 101 to these fu-tards. Blah...

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 05:50:48 GMT

Freshman year: My "close" friends were twice as many as my graduating class.
Sophomore: I swapped groups...for better and for worse...
Junior year: Less quantity...but the quality is incredible!

Freshman: I walked into chemistry terrified of the class, head down, hoping I didn't have to talk to anyone.
Sophomore: I immersed myself in cadaver and somehow found Ann Lamb in the process.
Junior: I walked into chemistry terrified of the class, completely confident with myself, and sat down next to the two best girlfriends a gal could ask for.

Freshman: Alcohol was scary.
Sophomore: Being drunk was scary.
Junior: Soberness is scary.

Freshman: I missed Brenna, Glen, and Karl horribly.
Sophomore: I missed Brenna, Glen, and Karl horribly.
Junior: I miss Brenna, Glen, and Karl horribly!

Freshman: Medical school was a recipe for failure.
Sophomore: Panic rising, failure closing in...
Junior: I'm a freakin' zoologist!

So happy just to be alive!

The Bridie Guide to Self-Betterment

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 16:42:44 GMT

This is an exerpt taken from a little book called "The Bridie Guide to Self-Betterment". Enjoy.

I wish...

...I was as comfortable with myself as Ann Lamb is.
...I had the natural brilliance and dedication that Mary Kate has.
...I was as nonjudgemental and perceptive as Bill is.
...I could take on as many responsibilities as Phil does.
...I was as effortlessly funny as Nick is.
...I was as easy going as Paige is.
...I had the resiliance that Maggie Bly has.
...I had the determination and single-mindedness that Brenna Decker has.
...I was as open to new experiences as Karl is.
...I had the compassion that Glen has.
...I was as dedicated to self-betterment as Lynn is.
...I could love as strongly as Nicole does.

Lord, thank you for putting such beautiful, wonderful people into my life. Help me to be influenced by their positives. Also, help me to be the kind of person that my friends can see positives in as well. Amen.

10 Things

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 22:54:34 GMT

10 Good Things About To-day:

1) September! New month!

2) Physics with Ann Lamb and Hanin. A hoot and a holler.

3) Organic chemistry with Ann Lamb and MKate. Two hoots and a haller and a half.

4) Buffalo chicken. Hey, it counts.

5) Having several different things I could be doing to-night. Yay options!

6) Almost talked to that cute boy I've been drooling at since last January. Almost.

7) Did not feel guilty about smoking or drinking un-diet soda. Yay for being me.

8) Looked in a mirror and thought I was pretty. It's big, people.

9) Talked to my aunt Chris. Learned that Brenna misses having me around. Realized I missed both of them. It's good to have people to miss.

10) Started smiling for absolutely no reason. Happy just to be alive.

And now more good things are on the way!

Can (insert name) Come Out And Play?

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 20:32:02 GMT

Physics: Sucks.
Organic chem: Sucks harder.
Being written up: Doesn't suck as much as I thought it would.

Cousin Stacy had her baby! A beautiful girl of (gasp) 6 pounds! So, past two and a half weeks of worry were needless, I guess. Nixon babies take care of themselves. Little Brenna Marie is already calling the shots and kicking ass. I knew I was going to like this kid.

In other news, Atticus (my lap top) is dead. :( We are going to Best Buy sometime to see if he can be revived. I'm not incredibly hopeful, though.

I love the little domestic things about living in the apartment. Like, baking. I can't bake, but I really want to every time I see our oven. So, I'm going to go get the needed supplies and make something sweet for the boys. We'll try it Martha Stewart style, but if needed, Walgreens sells the little "squeeze and bake" tollhouse bastardized cookies. Shh, don't tell!

You know what I'm not really fond of? My friends are all spread out. Most of them were in Bechtel last year, but now we're all over the place. And I feel so stupid calling them up like, "Hi...um...wanna play? Wanna come over? Can I come over there? What are you doing? Am I annoying yet?" Like, I'm not sure how to play this since I can't just wander into rooms anymore. I don't like it. I do miss Moulin Rouge blasting top volume through the wall and (slam of the door) Jenny storming in and waking up from futon-induced naps to Jake's hand over my face and Nick and Phil and Bill downstairs, and, and... :( But, apartment life is great and my gazelles are wonderful roomies. It will be a good year, it will be a good year, it will be a good year (say it with me).

Life is too short to have a bad day.

Birthday!

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 02:54:21 GMT

So, I'm 21 now. Yippee! And while I sorely miss drinkingly illegally, I think this is something I could get used to.

The actual birthday itself was pretty good. I got sufficiently drunk enough to nearly pass out during mass the next morning (aunt chris: "bridget, wake up! communion!" me: "oh god, no wine!") but was still able to drive home to meet up with the family the next day.

My family party was Clinton-fabulous. I recieved a bottle of Boones Farm and a six pack of beer with two empties. YAY CLIH-IN!

Then, I went to Springfield to paint the town red with my "big sister," Lynn. Lynn is a big shot lawyer down there. I know she has a fulltime job, I know she has her own apartment, I know she's 26, but I was still shocked at what an adult she is. Her name is on her office door...she gets an hour lunch...she has fancy guest towels? What is this madness?! Thankfully, I spotted a mattress on the floor in her bedroom, so I didn't feel completely overwhelmed. We met up with her coworker Rachael and took a cab to downtown Springfield, which was surprisingly rockin' for a Wednesday night. We met some guys and went back to someone's apartment...the whole affair was just as shifty as it sounds, but don't worry, I behaved myself. I wish I could say the same for all members of my party (as an eyebrow raises in disapproval).

Oh God, so tired. Zoo so hot.

Oh What a Night

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 20:49:26 GMT

What a night I had last night! I fell asleep after going to Riverboat Days (more later) and woke suddenly in the middle of the night. I bolted straight up in bed, for some reason with “The Gambler” stuck in my head, and said aloud, “I didn’t lock the fucking gate.” And I was sure. I drove out of work Sunday evening, double checking everything on the way, except for one thing. I left the service gate wide open. I immediately threw a fit and, in between gasps of panic, crying, and threats of vomit, called the Davenport po-po and talked to the very calm and sweet Officer Crow. He sent over a car and, at 2:30 this morning, I got word that the gate was finally locked and the zoo seemed to be in order. Mom, who was surprisingly supportive in between the expected jabs at my competence, went to bed at last, so I had time to smoke a fag out my bedroom window and curl up with a flask of whisky.
I called Debbie this morning and explained the situation. There I sat, completely expecting to be fired on the spot, and the woman laughs. Let me reiterate – my boss laughed. I think the poor woman is so burned out that, so long as I keep everyone alive for the weekend, she doesn’t care what happens on her days off. Like, none of the animals starved, so I obviously completed the task at a satisfactory level. I’m in shock that I not only still have a job but also escaped without an ass reaming. I guess frantic prayers to St. Francis pay off.
In other news, I made a triumphant return to the Clinton Dirtyboat, erm, Riverboat Days. Here's the checklist:

~Be hit on by a thug who calls you shorty - check
~Have awkward conversations with former teachers and classmates - check
~Sneak at least 20 people in - check
~Play bingo until you are forced to admit gambling problem - check
~Cajole Ben for sexual favors - check
~Dare death on carnival ride - check
~Flash carnie as to repeat carnival ride - check
Mullet count: 11

Planning Ahead

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 01:46:51 GMT

Well, now that I *finally* feel like I'm not going to drop dead from stress/virus/myocardial infarction, I'm starting to look forward to what needs to be done. And here's what I'm thinking. Since I already have this next semester planned out at Ambrose, things will go accordingly. But then I'm thinking about taking off for a couple of months. Maybe do a winter/spring internship somewhere and a summer internship/employment somewhere else. However, this means I would be away from my beloved friends for, like, months and months. What do I do? It'd be fun, I only have about a year and a half left of courses anyway, and it'd be beneficial for my career. What do you think?

P.S. SCOOTS IS A GIRL! She's a doe! We can KEEP her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mega-Update

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 16:26:28 GMT

I'm chilling out in Clinton for a few days because my body finally said, "dammit, if you're not going to take a day off, I'm going to *make* you," and I started having heart pain. Well, the real reason is because I miss (insert your name here) and am absolutely heartbroken. Nope, nope, definitely not a virus.

So, let me first talk about the zoo, because there is basically nothing in my life that is equally important. I'm a mother - 8 times over! I'm exhausted, but happy. We have welcomed 9 deer babies into the world, but unfortunately, one of them died. It was very tragic and I don't much care to talk about it (thank you, Phil). But my other 8 babies are all very healthy, especially Scoots. Scoots was born Saturday, June 3 and s/he is absolutely perfect, except s/he couldn't walk very well (read: at all). So I suddenly became a physical therapist and spent a lot of time with...um...we'll just say him, and now he can walk just fine! This also means that he mapped with me, and now whenever I walk into the nursery, he starts crying until I pick him up! The really incredible thing was the birth of our last set of twins. They came out just like their father - pure white! Casper, who fathered all the deer, is a genetic rarity as a white white-tailed deer (not albino). And now we have white twins! We were on the news and we're going to be in the paper soon. So exciting! We've also had one elk baby and Patches surprised us Wednesday morning with 5 baby bunnies! It is a very exciting time to be at the zoo.

I was able to stay at home for a whole 24 hours before I got annoyed with my mother! This is quite the accomplishment. But I knew I wouldn't last when she started drinking red wine. She gets very argumentative. Anyway, I'm out of here at the end of the afternoon, so I'm sure I'll survive. And I've just pirated the majority of this week's country top 40, so I'm a happy camper.

Speaking of camping, I really want to go. I just really want to go vacation anywhere. And I'm supposed to go to Canada this year. Hm.

Sat, 27 May 2006 01:51:05 GMT

I've become so obbsessed with work that I didn't even realize that I was working away a Friday night until...right now. Dammit. I can't think about anything except work. Well...there was yester-day...

Rain clung to my hair as I baled the hay. It poured down outside. In he walked, water cascading down his face and making his t-shirt cling to his bulging biceps. Lightning cracked like a whip outside the red barn door as the rain intensified and the smell of fresh hay wafted up to my nose. AND HE WAS A FUCKING MORMON! So I couldn't do anything about it! Dammit dammit dammit! There was even fresh hay there for him to ravage me on!

Shit, the coffee house is closing. I'll update to-morrow morning when I come back to do all the things I couldn't get done to-night. All this for $6.50 an hour?

(p.s. i am the happiest person in the whole fucking world so much that words can not express the joy i feel every single day)

I Hate Raccoons

Tue, 16 May 2006 03:42:47 GMT

Ah, to finally be back in Clinton (or, the proper pronunciation, which is more like Clih-in). And thank God I was just getting over my cold so I could take in a big whiff of river rot and dog food...man that takes me back.

But, there are some good things here. Like...Glen the Asian Sensation and Krazy Karl! I always forget how much I miss my boys until I see them again, spend time with them, and then end up sitting at home thinking of all the things I meant to say and wishing they were still next to me or I would see them at school to-morrow so I could be with them again. Sigh. We went to Applebees and had ourselves a grand old time (except I couldn't stay out late because I still feel sick and Karl had to work early and Glen is still Glen). So I felt totally old because I was home just after 10. Wow. Yeah, college life, party it up!

Something interesting happened at work on Saturday. Our game bird exhibit started out with 3 pheasants, 8 quaill, and 6 partridges. It now consists of 2 pheasants and 2 partridges. I HATE RACCOONS! They frickin' break into the zoo and kill things! Why can't they break into the G'D wolf pen instead of the game bird pen. That would teach those SOBs a lesson, wouldn't it? Anyway, I called my boss on Saturday just after 4 to tell her I'd found the dead pheasant (yes, just as unpleasant as you are imagining) and did an over-the-phone on-field autopsy with her, to make sure it was a mammal that had killed it (rather than it was pecked to death by an overly randy male or had a parasite or something). She asked me to round up the other two pheasants and put them into isolation (the partridges were already isolated), but recanted when she realized I was the only one there. Her words were, "Nevermind, you won't be able to catch them by yourself. That would be impossible. Forget it."

Ah ha. And so the challenge was set.

I walked into that pen like a motha fucka with two bird nets and balls the size of coconuts. Damn straight. I got the male into a corner, put one net on either side of him...and nearly got the shit kicked out of me. Somewhere along the line, my brain decided that since I had never actually seen these pheasants fly, they were obviously ground-dwelling animals. I decided to remember that this is not correct as the avian swooped down at my head, forcing me into a fast-motion Matrix-style back bend that left me looking up at the sky.

Twenty minutes later...I called my boss to tell her that, despite her concerns, both pheasants were securely locked up. Her words, "Oh my God...how? That's...WOW! That's great! I was just getting in the car to come help. I can't believe you! Seriously, my husband was just putting on his pants. We were on our way." My response, "Well, you just tell your husband to take those trousers right off because I have this zoo under control."

Oh yeah. Big shit zoo keeper comin' through y'all. Step down.

Sexual Innuendo at the Zoo

Thu, 11 May 2006 22:01:43 GMT

Scenario #1:
We've only been involved for a month, but I can already tell what kind of guy he is. When I'm not giving him food, he has no interest in me unless it involves heavy petting. And I can stroke and stroke until my arm hurts, but he doesn't care. He never does anything affectionate for me and won't even acknowledge me unless he thinks he's getting something out of it. That son of a bitch.

What am I talking about?
Answer: Brutus, the alpha male wolf

Scenario #2:
I've had my lips on it for a while, but just as I think I'm finished and start to back away, I get hit on the side of the face by a powerful burst. I wipe the stream of liquid away and go about business as usual.

What am I talking about?
Answer: The water fountain.

Scenario #3:
The two of us are in the barn, and no one else is around. He throws me down on top of a bail of hay and starts ripping at my clothes. I know that he could go like this for hours.

What am I talking about?
Answer:...Nothing. I screwed a guy in a barn. Who hasn't?!

What I Learned This Year

Tue, 09 May 2006 15:36:52 GMT

White carpet is a life long commitment.

The only way to get ahead is to do the things that you are not asked or expected to do.

Trust is the single most important factor in every relationship; it is also the hardest to cultivate.

Never underestimate the importance of bleach.

Coffee could fuel an entire ecosystem if harnessed properly and is the single most important ingredient in every day.

Be humble because of your actions but never apologetic for the person you are.

8 hours of sleep is not essential for 6 out of 7 days of the week.

Very few things are actually worth the trouble and stress given to them.

Life goes in this order: God, family, friends.

Say "sorry" only if it's worth it and "goodbye" if it isn't.

Life and love are worth sacrifice.

Take care of your own heart and recognize few people who will protect it.

Never drunk dial the person with which you are infatuated.

Vitamins.

I want five things out of life:
1) A roof and food under it that I don't have to worry about,
2) Good stories to tell,
3) Grandchildren to listen to them,
4) Someone who remembers the way I was before wrinkles, children, and finances, and
5) A good man who will still hold my hand when I'm old.

If I have these things, and maybe a hot tub, I'll be okay.

Mon, 08 May 2006 19:58:18 GMT

So after pulling all-nighters both Wednesday and Thursday night, I worked 22 hours over Saturday and Sunday (only 3 on Friday, which wasn't bad considering I was a fucking zombie). Yester-day was like working in the petting zoo from hell. It was our second day being open for the season and I closed BY MYSELF. I mean everything. And it's not like this is the kind of job where if you forget something, you can just handle it to-morrow. If I forget to bring in the chicks, they freeze to death. If I forget to feed the elk, somebody goes two days without food (Monday is fast day for many animals). But I got all the important things taken care of. Sure, I forgot to take out the trash, but no one is going to freeze or starve, or wallow in their own feeces (I made damn sure of that).

So I close by myself and I have my own set of keys, finally, but there's one more privledge I need to have. My boss doesn't want me going into the wolf pen when she isn't there. Well, sure, this seems like a safety precaution, but there was a full hour yester-day that I could have devoted my time to that but couldn't because she wasn't there. I'm a fucking zoo keeper and I can't even clean the pen of the animal I "specialize" in. It's kind of bullshit. I love my little zoo, but the fact is that I'm the one there with the most education in life science. And that is, to quote the Bly, re-goddamn-diculous.

This really proved itself to me last night when I was closing. We have two new baby goats, Hazelnut and Cappaccino. Now, Hazelnut is my baby. I got to name her, even. She'll fall asleep on my lap and follow me around like a puppy. However, Cappaccino thinks he is a wild mustang. And the older goats hate him. He herded himself into the older goats' pen last night, and they took this as a cue that he wanted to be trampled. They really don't like that little whipper snapper. However, when I grabbed him by the collar (I couldn't hold him, he kicks too hard), he bucked and jumped until his collar twisted around my finger. The collar became so tight that is was cutting off his airway. He was scared, so I couldn't get enough slack to get my finger out. If I pulled on the collar, it could break something in his throat. Risky. If I didn't, he'd suffocate. But I had to do something. He was kicking less and his breathing was very laboured. So, I tugged hard and, luckily, the little plastic clip broke and freed him. Thank God. It was so scary and I was so stressed and sleep deprived that I just sat down in the hay and bawled my eyes out (I was the only one there, no one saw). Little Hazelnut left her food and sat on my lap (aw). It really hit home that these animals are in my hands and I can't afford to not have the knowledge or ability to handle them. I thought I was signing up for a summer job, not suddenly being saddled with the responsibility of running the zoo (which is what happens when you're the only one working there). I mean, I don't know this shit! I don't know how to handle a goat or fix a collapsed uterus (something that could very well happen with all our animals giving birth). It's scary and it's stressful.

And I still wouldn't change this job for anything in the world.

And now, a return to finals. Fucking finals. They suck.